So.. I didn't know what to write on my nickname on msn and then I found this lovely paragraph taken from The Sandman, written by Neil Gaiman, a british science fiction author... anyway it was too long for a nickname so here is the whole thing, I hope you like it...
Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love.
I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.
I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.
The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, remains true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.
So I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.
Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old.
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.
I know lots of people is having different thoughts about me going home but at the end is only my choice and I know is the right one...
My -today's- song....
Who says you can't go home???
Its been 2 years, 5 months, 8 days since I last sincerely smiled... 2 years, 5 months, 8 days since I last felt happy inside... 2 years, 5 months, 8 days since I honestly laughed...
Can't recall those days when happiness was there and sadness wasn't even my friend
I need some inspiration, I feel I'm losing my direction...
I wanna be that girl I met before I met you
I truly believe that when someone reads a book for the second time it gets a different meaning than the first... I feel the same way about songs, I won't feel it the same way when I'm a child than when I'm a teenager.
So I was doing my homework and Nothing Else Matters by Metallica came up on my ipod, I heard the phrase "never opened myself this way" and I stopped what I was doing and listened again, this time I downloaded the lyric from the web to really catch the song:
So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trust in who we are
And nothing else matters.
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters.
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters.
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know.
And it goes on and on... It's definitely a love song (who knew right?) I mean after all this years of listening that song and using it on my "movie project" in HS I finally got the lyric and I totally agree with it.
No matter the distance they'll be together 'cause the body is not what makes a relationship, what makes a relationship are the feelings and the feelings are located (sure in the brain) but most of the times we say HEART. Of course we need the touch and the closeness but if the relationship is really based on love, then what we really need is just the heart so yeah no matter how far.
Is really hard to get 100% opened with someone, I mean sure we share details about our life but the really dark secrets? those are just shared with the people who is really close and we really care about and to be really opened with someone, that means a lot. It means that we are taking chances, taking risks and maybe we will get our heart broken but at the end we took the risk and we lived our life the fullest just because we took our chances with love.
Everyday something new... different view One thing that kills a relationship is the routine, there is nothing more boring than to do the same thing everyday with your special. And yeah maybe people talk and they can even scream but a real relationship is SO not based on what the others say, is based on what the TWO believe, think but mostly FEEL.
So maybe I went too far on this, but that's what I think. Take chances, as far as I know, we only get one life and it'd be a shame to die with routine, without taking chances and risks, but mostly it would be a shame to live a life without love, because at the end...
Nothing else matters...
Oh my senior's bookyear of HS is written:
"She has this power that can make anyone smile on their rainy day"
Well, I can't remember those days, maybe someone stole my power.
I can't use it anymore, not even for myself.
Wouldn't it be easier to go back to '88 and just be borned again? all my problems would be solved... Wouldn't it be easier to live life without other people's expectations about you? we could just do whatever we want to... Wouldn't it be easier to cry and cry a thousand tears and erase the sadness in our hearts? we would be happy again after a few tears...
I was just listening to my favorite show on the radio: Delilah at star 99.9 and I got a great feeling.
When I was living in New Canaan, CT I used to listen to this show every night, sometimes I was driving around the town, sometimes I was just lying on bed with the light off just watching to the stars through my little window...
I wish I could go back to that place one day and just look at the stars like there's no better thing to look at and like there's no better feeling in the world...
Someone sent me this by youtube and now I wanna share it with you... enjoy
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you.
Sing.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. 
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. 
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..
Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time it’s 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
I wrote this some time ago and I found it the other day so I want to share it with you, and maybe you can share your thoughts...
"I was listening to my ipod and this song -With or without you- by U2, started playing and right away this images & flashes of my ex.ex bf came into my mind. I remembered how much I loved him...}
He was my first love and I have always thought that the first love is the truest love 'cause at that moment you just give and maybe wait for something back, but mostly you're being honest, sincere, whole, you don't know anything about cheating and you feel like the perfect place to be is where that person exists...
Anyway for a few seconds I remembered how much I loved him but also how bad he broke my heart.. then I thought -I wish I could feel that kind of love again-[which is impossible (according to me) 'cause first love is nothing like second love or third (maybe and just maybe), it can be compared with the love you feel for someone you married...]
Anyway as I was thinking about how I wished I could love that hard again another thought came up and this thought was -I am so lucky that I don't have who to love or who to love me-...maybe this is a little harsh but I think that maybe I'm alone and I don't have who to hold and I can be in a bad mood all the time (and I can sure live with that)... however nobody is breaking my heart (and if someone did I'm not sure I could live with that again)"
When I turned 13 I did nothing.
When I turned 14 my mom organized a suprise bday party (only 5 friends made it).
When I turned 15.. well it was different from before, it was like the "Sweet Sixteen" white dress, good hair, nice make-up, all my friends, big party, nice dinner, good music etc.
When I turned 16 it was awesome; on that Friday night I went out for dinner with some friends and the next day I went out for lunch and the movies with some other friends... nothing big i know!! but I had the greatest time.
When I turned 17 (holy week) I was at some school thing far away from my house at some community... my group made me a cupcake with a candle for my bday, that was sweet...
When I turned 18 lol this is funny... My bf at that time wasn't there 'cause he went to a Helloween concert that day in another city, so my mom sent me flowers, took me to a fancy restaurant and had 'mariachi' over at my house just to prove me that I didn't need a bf who wasn't with me on my 18th lol.My bf at that time, didn't even give me a present... BUT the guy who wanted to date me at that time, took me to a music store and said to me 'choose whatever you want and that would be your present' ha?
When I turned 19 I was living in America and my mom came to visit me... My dear friend Yuliya, came home and gave me lots of nice presents sadly for me the girl I was babysitting ""got sick"" (she wasn't really sick) so I worked (and stayed home) from 7am to 7.30pm :@ And I didn't see my bf either, he called though.
When I turned 20... I wasn't in the mood for bdays...Holy Week again!!
Well, in my family is a tradition to wake up the bday person at 6am with the Happy Bday song :)
This year no one did it :( but at 12am my brother woke me up with that song lol
Then, all my friends where out for vacation, just like 5 were in town :s but I couldn't see them
And again I wasn't in the mood for bdays!
Anyway a friend came home to say happy bday and then I had lunch w my family... one of my brothers left after 30min of being there cause he had to work, (as well as my sister in law), then he (my brother) left to the beach with his friends :(
My cousin couldn't make it 'cause of work too, my niece got sick and vomit all night 'til her mom took her to the hospital mmm.... and lots of more crap happened today.
But there were also good things like: my mom sent me flowers :) my brother gave me a $40 card in a music store, my mom got me a Swatch ring, my ex's sent a nice poem to me and tried to call me lol. I had a nice time w my family too, and well I got lots of phone calls and text messages from friends too lol. Anyway today I turned twenty and it doesn't feel like a bday.
Oh well I was forgetting something... Last but not least; the guy I like didn't even send an e-mail saying 'Happy Bday' or at least 'HB' ¿?
So how does it feel to turned twenty ¿? I guess I will have to figure that out... and just wait for the 21...
