taN soLo un eXtraCto...

[...]
podría lastimarte...
más, no lo haré
no porque no pueda
si no porque no vale la pena.

-Shâh Mât-

(poema completo no disponible en internet.)

My nickname...

So.. I didn't know what to write on my nickname on msn and then I found this lovely paragraph taken from The Sandman, written by Neil Gaiman, a british science fiction author... anyway it was too long for a nickname so here is the whole thing, I hope you like it...

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love.

The character "Rose Walker" in The Sandman

I'm going home... back to the place where I belong

I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, remains true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.

Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old.
So I'm going home.

I'm going home.

Who says you can't go home?

I know lots of people is having different thoughts about me going home but at the end is only my choice and I know is the right one...
My -today's- song....
Who says you can't go home???

I spent twenty years trying to get out of this place
I was looking for something I couldn't replace
I was running away from the only thing I've ever known
Like a blind dog without a bone
I was a gypsy lost in the twilight zone
I hijacked a rainbow and crashed into a pot of gold.

I been there, done that
But I ain't looking back on the seeds I've sown
Saving dimes spending too much time on the telephone
Who says you can't go home.

Who says you can't go home
There's only one place they call me one of their own
Just a hometown boy born a rolling stone
Who says you can't go home
Who says you can't go back
I've been all around the world and as a matter of fact
There's only one place left I want to go
Who says you can't go home
It's alright.


I went as far as I could, I treid to find a new face
There isn't one of these lines that I would erase
I've lived a million miles of memories on that road
With every step I take I know that I'm not alone
You take the home from the boy
But not the boy from his home
These are my streets, the only life I've ever known
Who says you can't go home.

It doesn't matter where you are,
it doesn't matter where you go
If it's a million miles away or just a mile up the road
Take it in, Take it with you when you go
Who says you can't go home
Who says you can't go back
Been all around the world and as a metter of fact
There's only one place left I want to go
Who says you can't go home
It's alright, it's alright.

-Bon Jovi-

It's been...

Its been 2 years, 5 months, 8 days since I last sincerely smiled... 2 years, 5 months, 8 days since I last felt happy inside... 2 years, 5 months, 8 days since I honestly laughed...

Can't recall those days when happiness was there and sadness wasn't even my friend

I need some inspiration, I feel I'm losing my direction...

I wanna be that girl I met before I met you

...and nothing else matters

I truly believe that when someone reads a book for the second time it gets a different meaning than the first... I feel the same way about songs, I won't feel it the same way when I'm a child than when I'm a teenager.

So I was doing my homework and Nothing Else Matters by Metallica came up on my ipod, I heard the phrase "never opened myself this way" and I stopped what I was doing and listened again, this time I downloaded the lyric from the web to really catch the song:

So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trust in who we are
And nothing else matters.

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters.

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters.

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know.

And it goes on and on... It's definitely a love song (who knew right?) I mean after all this years of listening that song and using it on my "movie project" in HS I finally got the lyric and I totally agree with it.

No matter the distance they'll be together 'cause the body is not what makes a relationship, what makes a relationship are the feelings and the feelings are located (sure in the brain) but most of the times we say HEART. Of course we need the touch and the closeness but if the relationship is really based on love, then what we really need is just the heart so yeah no matter how far.

Is really hard to get 100% opened with someone, I mean sure we share details about our life but the really dark secrets? those are just shared with the people who is really close and we really care about and to be really opened with someone, that means a lot. It means that we are taking chances, taking risks and maybe we will get our heart broken but at the end we took the risk and we lived our life the fullest just because we took our chances with love.

Everyday something new... different view One thing that kills a relationship is the routine, there is nothing more boring than to do the same thing everyday with your special. And yeah maybe people talk and they can even scream but a real relationship is SO not based on what the others say, is based on what the TWO believe, think but mostly FEEL.

So maybe I went too far on this, but that's what I think. Take chances, as far as I know, we only get one life and it'd be a shame to die with routine, without taking chances and risks, but mostly it would be a shame to live a life without love, because at the end...

Nothing else matters...

Wouldn't it be nice...

Oh my senior's bookyear of HS is written:

"She has this power that can make anyone smile on their rainy day"

Well, I can't remember those days, maybe someone stole my power.
I can't use it anymore, not even for myself.

Wouldn't it be easier to go back to '88 and just be borned again? all my problems would be solved... Wouldn't it be easier to live life without other people's expectations about you? we could just do whatever we want to... Wouldn't it be easier to cry and cry a thousand tears and erase the sadness in our hearts? we would be happy again after a few tears...

Wouldn't just be easier to be borned again?